The Myspace Showdown
by inmybubble
Summary: jasper, edward, and emmett are left at home for a weekend. what happens when the three best looking guys get myspaces. NOT A ONESHOT.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm bored."

That was the first thing that came out of Jasper's mouth when he saw his brothers, Edward and Emmett. Carlisle and Esme had gone on a honeymoon. Again. Their girls, Bella, Alice, and Rosalie had taken a weekend trip to Olympia. Bella was none too pleased about going. She would rather stay in Forks with Edward. She had none such luck.

So, the boys were stuck at home, nothing to do.

"I'm more bored." said Edward, lying down on the kitchen table.

"Am not."

"Am too."

"Am not."

"Am too."

"Am no-"

"Shut it." Emmett interrupted dully, leaning against the refrigerator. .

"I'm so bored, I could eat a frying pan." Jasper smirked, sitting cross legged in the sink.

"Oh yeah? Well I'm so bored I could play Sudoku." Edward retorted.

Jasper scowled. "Hey! I actually like that game! Don't go dissing it."

"It's a nerd game."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

Amidst the bickering, Emmett had grabbed his laptop from upstairs and booted it up. He was clicking away, doing something exciting, it seemed. Edward noticed first.

"What're you doing?"

"MySpace." Was Emmett's reply.

"Hey! You have 12,869 friends!" Jasper exclaimed. "But I bet I could get more. Your picture isn't that good."

That was to Jasper's standards. in fact, if any human looked at the badly taken polaroid of Emmett, they would think they would think they had died and went to heaven.

"New bet! Are you in Edward?" Emmett inquired the bronze haired boy.

Edward paused. "Sure."

"Okay then." Emmett said. "We better set up some accounts for you guys. Jasper first."

He entered in Jasper's registered information. "And heres a good picture ofyou Jazz." Emmett pointed at the screen.

It was back in the September when Jasper and the Cullens first moved to Forks. They had gone on a nature hike. The picture was of Jasper under a brilliantly starry sky. His hair was messy and a streak of dirt across the bridge of his nose, but cute looking nevertheless. He looked like a gift from the angels.

"Okay. That one's good."

Emmettt clicked save. "Now for your background. How about this one?" It was navy blue with white print saying 'Jazz'.

"I like it."

"Alight, now Jasper has a profile. now Edwards."

Emmett went through the same procedure, but Edwards picture was one where Edward was playing on the piano. He, too, looked gorgeous. He had a plain dark green background.

Jasper and Edward ran upstairs and grabbed their laptops. Before Emmett knew it, the room was filled with shouting, some questions, some gleeful statemnts.

"I HAVE MORE FRIENDS THAN YOU!" Edward yelled.

"HOW DO YOU ARRANGE TOP FRIENDS?" asked Jasper.

"WHY IS THIS SAYING I NEED TO SOLVE A CAPTCHA?"

"HA! EDWARD! I HAVE THREE MORE FRIENDS THAN YOU!"

"WHY IS'NT THIS LOADING?"

"WHO THE HECK IS THIS? IS THAT A DOG?"

"YAY! I HAVE 14,962 FRIENDS!"

"WELL, EDWARD, I HAVE 14,963! SO HAHA!"

"OHH BRING IT ON!"

"DON'T YOU WORRY BROTHER JASPER! I WILL!"

Here marks the beginning of a severe tragedy.


	2. Chapter 2

It was 3 AM: Emmett was listening to his music

It was 3 AM: Emmett was listening to his music. Jasper was in his room, absorbed in video games. Edward creeped into the darkened kitchen. Emmett had left his laptop on the kitchen table. It was humming slightly. He took it out of sleep mode.

Being the hacker he was he got onto Emmett's account faster than anyone could blink.

Just as he was about to do major damage, a pair of hands attached to his shoulders like a vice. A voice snarled, "And what do you think you're doing?"

Edward stiffened, and turned to face his match.


	3. Chapter 3

"Haha. The look on your face was PRICELESS! And your feelings jumped out at me like a three year old on Red Bull!" Jasper crowed quietly.

"Shut up." Edward snapped. "Are you going to help me or not?"

Jasper nodded enthusiastically. "Def."

"Who says that?"

"I do."

" Fine, fine. Let's get cracking"

"Who the heck says that anymore Edward?" Jasper raised a brow.

"I do." Edward mimicked Jasper. "Now lets move before our brother gets his butt down here."

"Okay. I got an idea."

Edward listened silently to it. "Brilliant." And he began typing.

**THE NEXT MORNING**

"LalalalalalalaLA!" Emmett sang as he waltzed down to his laptop. He was so excited to get on MySpace; he was having some great chats with pretty girls. He still knew he was married though. He had the most beautiful woman as his bride in his perspective. For obvious reasons, Edward and Jasper thought different.

He went downstairs to his laptop and booted it up. He got onto his MySpace page.

Something looked odd. He didn't remember posting 3000 posts last night all one word, nor changing having two friends: Jasper and Edward. He had a lot more if he remembered correctly.

His pictures were of him with whipped cream on his face, and him cringing in terror over an antique clown.

He began quivering with rage. He clicked on his profile page. It was pink, with little pictures of butterflies. That did it.

"EDWARRRRRRRRRRRRRD! JASPERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"Yes?" they said in unison, the picture of perfection

"WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO TO MY MYSPACE?"

"Nothing." Jasper smiled.

"Well. um. we. Just changed a few things that we thought you might like." Edward smirked.

"YOU MEAN YOU DELETED ALL MY FRIENDS?"

"No." Jasper saiad calmly. "Just all the girls. The ones in your top four were particularily dicey. I mean, you already have a wife. Let's be reasonable here. You don't need any other pretty girls flirting with you too."

"TEGAN! SHE WAS NICE!"

" Oh. Tegan. The girl with the black hair." Jasper shrugged.

"Yeah...the one who was like Alice's human sister. She's pretty." Edward remarked.

"WHAT ABOUT KAYLA?"

Edward looked amused."Ah yes. Kayla. She was the girl with blonde hair green eyes?"

"YES!!" Emmett pounded the table.

"Yeah. We took her off your tops too." Jasper said, sending soothing waves toward Emmett.

It wasn't working.

"WHAT ABOUT SAMMY.."

"She's the dark blonde with brownish greenish eyes." Jasper explained to a confused Edward over Emmett.

"AND CHOLE..."

"And she's the girl who has light brown hair and freckles." Jasper explained to the still dumbfounded Edward.

"AND FELICIA!"

"The pretty Latina with red lowlights."

"So basically, we deleted all the pretty girls from your friends list. They're too good for you." Edward solemly stated.

"What about Rose?" Emmett ranted, breathing like an angry bull.

"Yeah, you just got lucky with her." Jasper laughed.

"IMMA GET YOU BOTH! GET OVER HERE SO I CAN PRY YOUR EYES FROM YOUR HEAD."

"And this would be a good time to run." Edward whispered.

And they ran, with Emmett yelling like a hyena who's face looked more like a baboon's butt. That's exactly what Emmett looked like.


	4. Chapter 4

Edward had spent all night running from Emmett, and making him a new profile while he breathed down Edward's neck. After a few hours of listening to music, he was rejuvenated, and ready to update his MySpace profile. He hadn't been on in a few days.

He got out his favorite laptop, the on he kept in the living room. He moved to turn it on, but noticed that it was already on.

He found it strange, because he always turned it off. He logged on, and in lightning fast speed, opened the internet browser. After a couple strokes of the keys, Edward finally was on MySpace.

Edward noticed that he had a lot of comments, messages, photo comments, and friend requests. He had 1,475 comments, 89 messages, and 372 photo comments, and 960 friend requests. Most of them were from girls. Edward spent the next three minutes answering all of them, and reading photo comments.

When Edward refreshed his screen, he had another friend request. It was Emmett. The message Emmett sent with it was:

Hey! Thanks for giving me a new profile! I love it! Here's an eCard!

There was a url underneath. He clicked on it. It was a clown, saying 'thanks!' Edward shuddered. He hated clowns, ever since the incident of 1991.

But the screen melted away, and an icon popped up saying:

Deleting all files: 10 finished

Edward frantically looked around the screen for a way to fix it, but the screen was black except for the blinking icon.

Deleting all files: 100 finished

Edward screamed, the laptop sputtered, and then spontaneously went "ka-BOOM!"

He gasped, his face black and hair blown back from his face, amazingly still attached to his scalp.

He knew exactly what happened.

Emmett poked his head through the doorway. "Ah, so you got my eCard?"

Edward took one look at him, stormed to the kitchen, where there was a crash.

Emmett snickered. "Well, that's what I call revenge."


	5. Chapter 5

"Ring! Ring! Ring!" The phone rang.

"Hello?" Emmett picked up the phone, and sat down on the kitchen counter, and started playing with the faucet.

"Emmett?" it was Edward.

"Yeah?" Emmett cautiously said, remembering what he did to Edward's computer. "Why are you calling? Aren't you in the house?"

"If I was in the house, I would come find you."

"Point taken."

Emmett leaned against the wall, turning the sink on and off.

Edward sighed. "You win."

Emmett sat up straight in shock. "Say WHAT?" he ripped the faucet handle off.

"OH CRAP!" He clumsily tried to put the handle back on, but he was none too successful. Water gushed out onto the floor. He fumbled with it for a bit, proceeding to stuff a fluffy towel down the pipe. "Sorry, what?"

"I said you win. You win this whole MySpace game."

Emmett smiled triumphantly, while trying to stop the constant gushing of water, which was beginning to seep through the towel. He grabbed another towel, and put it on top of the other. "So, what's my prize?"

"Prize? Oh yes, prize. Come out to Ridge Point."

"Why can't you bring it home?"

"Because both Jasper and I are here. And Jasper doesn't feel like going home."

"That's not a legit reason." Emmett said, annoyed.

"Too bad."

"Fine. I'm coming. Bye."

"Wait! Emmett! One more thing!" Edward paused. "Actually…never mind." And the line went dead.

Emmett sighed. But he obliged, and dragged himself to Ridge Point.

"Emmett! Finally!" Edward yelled. He and Jasper had been waiting there for thirty seconds after calling Emmett. Geez, it could take him a long time.

"Okay, what?" Emmett paused, the salty wind ruffling his dark curls. "I don't have much time. I left the faucet running. And the towel seeped through."

"Why didn't you turn it off?" Jasper inquired.

"Because I ripped the handle off."

There was a brief pause. Then, Jasper fell to the ground laughing his chiming laugh.

"Anyways," Jasper said, after catching his breath, "We thought we should reward you for having the most friends out of all of us in MySpace."

"Which is?" Emmett stamped his foot impatiently.

"FIRE!!!" Edward yelled, and Emmett body suddenly went slack.


End file.
